Advice for those experiencing domestic abuse

It is your right to live safely in your home without fear of abuse. There are support services available in the city to help you change your life. They will let you decide the best, and safest, option for you and your family.

Whatever form it takes, domestic abuse is rarely a one-off incident. More usually it’s a pattern of abusive behaviour that is used to intimidate, humiliate or frighten victims as a systematic way of maintaining power and control.

Nobody has the right to abuse you physically, sexually, emotionally or economically and nothing justifies abusive behaviour. Domestic abuse is a crime and it must stop!

If this is happening to you, you are not alone. One in four women and one in six men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, regardless of class, ethnicity or sexual orientation. You may feel ashamed, scared, isolated, humiliated, confused, afraid you won't be believed or that the abuse will get worse if you report it. You are not to blame! Do not suffer in silence, as there are people who can help.

You may quite easily and quickly decide to ask for help or you may find the process long and painful as you try to make the relationship work and stop the abuse, while struggling against the practical and emotional reasons for staying.

There are laws to protect you from domestic abuse and most organisations, including the police, take domestic abuse very seriously. Many organisations listed in a directory, which will be available soon, employ people who specialise in dealing with domestic abuse cases, and they will be sympathetic and supportive. They will also help to protect you from further abuse.

If you don’t tell anyone about the abuse then the chances are it will continue and get worse. By telling someone, a friend, family member or one of the organisations listed on this website, you will be able to start protecting yourself and your children. Children and young people in your household will be greatly affected by living with domestic abuse and we know through research that children are often at risk of increased emotional and behavioural problems and at risk of experiencing emotional or physical abuse themselves. By telling someone you will also be protecting them.

The following is a checklist if you decide to leave:

• Money. If possible, have some money saved in case you need to use a taxi or bus. Take your credit cards, cheques, saving and giro books and current and unpaid bills. If you don't have a mobile phone, find somewhere you can quickly and safely use the phone should you need to.
• Take important documents such as your marriage and birth certificate, any court order, passport, benefit and bank books, and health records. Also remember to take the child benefit book and other legal and financial papers you may have.
• Keys. Take any keys you have or if there is time have an extra set made of the house, car and office keys before you leave.
• Emergency addresses and contact numbers. Make a list of school, friends and family phone numbers and numbers of relevant domestic abuse agencies.
• Have a small bag already packed with an extra set of keys for the house and car should you need to leave in an emergency. You may prefer to leave this with a trusted friend.
• Take essential medicines that you and your children need.
• Toys. Sometimes it is difficult to carry much but your children may be confused and upset and a special toy or comforter may help them.
• If you later discover that you have left something essential behind, you can always arrange for a police escort so that you can return for it.

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