Real-life adoption stories

• Alison and Steve
• Andy and Nicki

Alison and Steve

Steve and Alison adopted children through Plymouth City Council. They said:

"Adoption has made it possible to have a family. Our children are definitely 'ours'. They each have different needs and some 'baggage' but they are unique and special just like any children.

"They have experienced life at the hard end, definitely experienced things we have never felt. My heart aches when I think of them as little ones having to deal with loss, pain and hurt, being confused and having to learn to survive. We now have to deal with the fallout of this. This means a lot of time spent trying to repair the effects of trauma. Trying to help them to re-learn their way of relating to others.

"We would say to anyone wanting this way to having a family, 'go for it' but make sure you find out as much as you can - not just about your child, but what the effects of their trauma may have on them. Definitely take any training offered and meet with other adopters. It’s a different sort of parenting and you need others to help you help your child to reach their full potential.

"We have adjusted how we live so that we have more time for them. We acknowledge their origins by instigating talk about their birth families and have persevered in attempts to meet their relatives even if they can’t at the present. This has helped us pave the way for future face-to-face contact as well as giving us more information about their early lives.

"We try to take each day at a time and enjoy the fun times, the peaceful meal when we get to talk all together without a row. Cuddling up on the sofa watching a film or going on an adventure together on the bikes or to the beach."

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Andy and Nicki

Following an unsuccessful attempt at IVF treatment, Andy and Nicki decided to make that leap and give a permanent home to someone else’s children. They contacted Plymouth adoption team and were soon allocated a Social Worker to assess them as adoptive parents. The couple went on to adopt two brothers called Macauley and Sacha and several years on, have never looked back. We interviewed them about their experience of adoption in Plymouth.

Why did you choose to adopt two boys and not one baby?

"We like older children as much as babies. We strongly believe that adoption should occur in an open environment as this makes it easier for everyone. When the children are old enough to have memories of their early history, you can explain and justify them.

When we adopted Sacha and Macauley they were 16 months old and just under 3 years, so they still had a few baby-like years left. Children are not possessions – they’re people no matter how old they are.

We wanted siblings because we wanted more than one child, and wanted to complete our family straight away rather than having to repeat the adoption process a few years later. We wanted to get it over and done with! We thought it would be better for the children to be blood relatives, as they could keep this link to their past and know they’d always be there for each other."

How did you find the assessment process?

"The assessment process is absolutely fine, as long as you’re open and honest. Your Social Worker very much becomes your friend. We had two super Social Workers who we got on with really well with. They’re there to make sure you get the right children for you, and that you’re the right family for the children, so it’s important to be completely honest about everything."

What problems have you faced since the adoption?

"I don’t think we’ve really faced more problems than any birth parents.

People often worry about contact with the children’s birth relatives, but we voluntarily take the children to see theirs once a year as we feel this is right for the children. It’s not ideal, but we just think of it like a trip to the dentist and get it over with! We also write to the children’s birth parents twice a year to keep them up to date and let them know that the children are safe and well. All this takes away the mystery, romance and questions that go around in children’s heads. It’s important that they can ask questions at any time. Sacha and Macauley know and accept that adoption is part of them, and are completely happy with it. If you’re open and matter of fact about adoption from day one then they just understand and accept it."

What would you say to people considering adoption?

"If you’re looking to adopt, you have to be sure that it’s right for you. Kids need stability, security and boundaries and need to have things clear in their heads. Adoption should be as open as possible. You have to want a family and not just a baby, and accept that these children have a history, as they can only be comfortable with their past if you are. It’s not their fault that they’re in this situation, and with the Social Workers’ help it has to be clear in your mind that adoption is right for you. Adoption was right for us."

Types of children needing adoption in Plymouth

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