Mrs A's fostering story

My name is Mrs A, and I’m a fosterholic.

I started fostering jointly with my husband who also works, nearly two years ago. We are now approved for three children (if siblings), 0 to 10 years.

We went through the process, which taxi drivers would call ‘the knowledge’, with a smashing supervising social worker who has since proved to be supportive. She has protected our interests and really made sure that we know what we are doing. So fostering has done, sort of what it says on the box, to a Capital ‘T’. We were prepared for the worst, given intuition into the worst case scenarios and given lots of pre-knowledge as to what we had ‘let ourselves in for’, so to speak.

Our first job, whilst waiting for some children that matched with us, was to help out at the Christmas pre-schooler’s party. My husband took the photos and I was looking after the tiny ones, whilst their carers made up the party tea. What we saw there were some pretty fun people, some great foster carers who gave us a warm welcome and then, a huge table with some 36 pre-school children, all in best bib and tucker. I must say that what we were prepared to see was one thing but what we did see were 36 little darlings all at the table, all tucking in, and all needing to be loved and cared for and cuddled. It was both heart-warming and heartbreaking to see, but it was clear that they were receiving all the love and care that could be given. I was quite overcome at that sight of all of those looked after babies in their Christmas party attire, and it will stay with me for a long time.

We started off doing some respite - a couple of days, holiday respite, day time care for introductions, and bits and bobs whilst we were being matched. Then we did a three week respite for two children. Those two children came back to us some time later and have now been with us for just over a year. In that time, we have had back up from our supervising social worker, from the Children and Adolescent Mental Health Service who come and talk to the children about their worries, their social worker, their school team, a team of community nurses, their own GP and most of all our colleagues and fellow foster carers.

We have completed an introductory workbook and folder with the Children’s Workforce Development Council and two Open University courses each, all paid for by Plymouth Fostercare. We have attended numerous training courses and some online ones. We are now undertaking BTEC qualifications in child care online in the evenings. We have been very, very busy, on the go all the time, 24/7, with meetings and training, the children of course, and review panels and supervision. We have laughed and we have cried. We have worried and shared our worries, we have triumphed and felt deflated.

We have even had a few emergency placements. Arriving on a Sunday afternoon or late at night, not knowing who will arrive and what they will be like. Not knowing what problems these children have had to face, and wondering how to help, wondering if we will have the strength. Then we find that we knew exactly what to do as if second nature, but without realising it we had called on our extensive training, our life experiences, our experiences of our own children or of the extended family. We have been congratulated and also congratulated ourselves that we had helped, made a difference, which in itself is a tremendous feeling but it doesn’t happen all the time. We have our highs and our lows.

Through all of that, we have never had so much fun, laughs or felt so much instant job satisfaction as working in fostering. We have had the experience of a lifetime. It is quite a unique feeling when children start opening up to you, talking of their experiences, trusting you, confiding in you, coming to you for comfort, or relying on you.

Now we are preparing ourselves for the time when our little angels can try and find a forever mum and dad. When the time comes to say goodbye I know that it will be horrendous. A wrench from the two children that we have come to love and have cared for, and we will need a lot of support to deal with this. We know from the experiences of our colleagues that it is hard but that if the transition is a smooth one then we have done our job properly and have worked in the children’s best interests. Some foster carers stay out of sight for a time, some go on holiday, some clean their houses from top to bottom or decorate to keep busy, and some start preparing for the new intakes as quickly as possible so that they don’t have time to think.

Everyone is different in how they deal with this bit but everyone has the same feelings, joy for the children for their new life, and sadness for the loss.

Welcome to the rollercoaster that is fostering!

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