Good practice guidelines for agency workers
The following contains some basic points you should observe as an agency worker when someone discloses domestic abuse. If someone tells you about domestic abuse and you can access information to help them, or point them in the direction of someone who can, you could save their life.
- Never assume that the abuse is not serious. Some people will minimise their experience or only refer to less serious incidents. Always assume that there is much more information that they may not tell you and that they may be at risk and give them information accordingly, so that if an incident occurs they will know what to do.
- Talk to the survivor somewhere in private. Nobody wants to discuss their private life in public so make sure to provide an adequate place to discuss these matters. Never discuss the situation in the presence of their partner, as this will put them at risk. If necessary you can invent a reason why you need to see them in a separate room for a while.
- Allow plenty of time when arranging an interview. This is a highly emotional subject and it may be the first time in a long history of abuse that the survivor decides to speak to someone. They may get upset and may need some space to voice their concerns. Don’t rush them, be patient and supportive.
- Reassure the survivor that it is not their fault and that there are agencies that can help. The important thing is that they feel supported. If you feel that you are not the best person to provide advice, support the survivor in contacting a specialist agency.
- Have as much information material available as possible before the interview begins.
- If the survivor has brought children with them, ask if someone else can look after them. If this is not possible try to provide toys for them to keep them occupied. It is important to remember that the children may be traumatised and may be scared to leave their parent. Do not make anyone feel unwelcome.
- Know where to signpost the survivor and with their agreement you can refer to the appropriate agency. It can be helpful to offer to make a phone call with them, or to offer use of your phone.
- Provide an interpreter for a survivor whose first language is not English or who is hard of hearing. Agencies should consider how they can provide interpreters before the need arises.
- Survivors may need to leave home as a matter of urgency. The information given on the housing options page for survivors will give you details of what they can do in an emergency.
What if the survivor returns to the abuser?
Some people leave an abusive relationship after one incident; others may take years to make this change in their lives. This does not mean that the abuse is less serious!
For many it is difficult to find the strength to leave a violent relationship, as living with abuse means a gradual undermining of their confidence and self-esteem. It is particularly hard if the person they are complaining about is a parent of their child. Many people want the abuse to stop but do not want to end the relationship. Others may fear what their partner will do if they leave. We know that statistically the risk of a violent murder increases dramatically at the point of leaving and many violent partners make threats to harm other people or themselves.
There are many reasons why some people need several attempts to leave a violent relationship before finally doing so or why they may wait many years before taking action against their partner.
If a survivor decides to return to a violent relationship it is important that they continue to get help and support and will not be turned away or embarrassed if they wish to ask for help again. Their return does not mean that they are at fault or that the abuse is not serious. There may be too many pressures for them at this point in time and they should receive a helpful and sympathetic response whatever their decision is.