Creative writing advice from Roy York

Dialogue

The fifth in a series of articles by Roy York.

Dialogue: Bring it to life

You are now ready to bring your characters to life by transforming them from cardboard cut-outs into fully rounded, interesting people. Putting the right words into their mouths will show the reader what that person is like and carry your story forward. Dialogue has three initial functions.

1. It reveals character
2. It builds-up the background, location and mood of the story
3. Good dialogue also moves the story forward

Some writers fail to realise the dialogue they are putting into the mouths of their characters is interchangeable. This is a fairly common fault with some beginners, and one that needs to be avoided. The characters in your story are different; therefore their pattern of speech and the words they use should also differ. By doing this you will reveal to the reader the type of character that is speaking. Your character's speech must remain constant throughout your story - unless that person has a reason to speak out of character, for example, attempting to impress others etc.

Conversation

We have all, at some time or another, eavesdropped or listened-in to other people's conversations, (unwittingly of course) but when standing in a supermarket checkout that seems not to have moved for the last fifteen minutes at least it stops you from falling asleep. Have you noticed however, most people are so eager to contribute their own point of view they cannot help interrupting or they are endlessly repeating themselves? This type of dialogue written down exactly as heard makes boring reading and holds up the plot, this could make your reader discard your book and pick-up a more interesting book.

At times the unskilled writer finds difficulty of turning everyday speech into interesting dialogue for the printed page. Fully transcribing actual day-to-day conversation will not do for the purpose of the writer. Fictional dialogue is very different from actual speech, the dull bits, repetitions and irrelevances, must be cut away, leaving a tight, interesting exchange that gives the reader the impression of real speech. If we want our reader to believe in our characters we should ensure we put the right words into their mouths. If he or she says; "I will not," "She did not," "I could not park and will not go there again," this could denote that that character is a literalist or an extremely formal person. Most of us use speech contractions; "I won't," "She didn't," "I couldn't park and won't go there again."

If we try reading out our characters dialogue aloud we will hear if it sounds wrong then we can correct it before it lands on a publisher's desk. Even if you don't read it aloud you should hear all of your writing inside your head. If one of your characters is the type of person who swears, then put one or two into your character's speech. Do not put swear words in just to shock and be sparing with them. Swear words are like manure too much is horrid a small amount in the right place will create a credible character. If you don’t wish to include writing such language then it is probably best to avoid using such characters.

Do not spend too much of your time looking for substitutes for the frequently intrusive word 'said'. He said or she said can work very well but be a little economical with its use. Never let the use of substitutes become a tiresome mannerism. The tried and tested use of he said, she said works very well provided it is used with discretion.

Example 1

Often when two characters are talking to each other, it is not always necessary to indicate the speaker. An example of this is from; "Wild Horses," by Dick Francis. Published by Michael Joseph, 1994.

Thomas Lyon, a movie director, has just finished showing a screen test to Nash O'Hara. The story, a novel, is written in the first person.

"The reel ended, I switched the projector off and the regular lights on and waited for O'Hara's verdict.

"Tell you something," he said casually, "if you're not careful we'll have a success on our hands."

"A bit early to say," I was pleased, all the same, for his compliment.

"How do you get on personally with Silva?" O'Hara asked, standing and stretching, preparing to leave.

"She does ride very well," I said "I told her that I thought so."

"And you did not, I hope, tell her she rides as well as any man."

I laughed. "I'm not suicidal."

"She looks good on screen."

I nodded. "You were right, she can act. She knows where the camera is. She's professional, she listens to me, she did the nude scene on the closed set last week with cool naturalness, she's ambitious in a sensible way and I can tiptoe round the feminism."

"And do you like her?"

"It's not necessary."

"No, but do you?"

I smiled. "If I told her I liked her she'd smack my face."

"That's no answer."

"Then yes, I do like her. Actually, very much, but she doesn't want to be liked. She wants to be thought a good actress, which she is. A merry-go-round, don't you think?"

"She's sleeping with me," O'Hara said.

In that example from "Wild Horses," the word said was only used three times, also, did you notice how often speech contractions were used during their dialogue?

The characters in that extract from "Wild Horses" were credible, not only because their dialogue was believable but also because they were live people. They didn't just sit without emotion, throwing words at each other.

To bring your dialogue to life you also need to add, the business. Dialogue is just not one long, verbal tennis match. People do things when they are talking, they don't just sit talking for hours without movement or a change of expression. Even if they did, put down on the page like that would make some boring reading. If, for instance, a man and his wife are being interviewed by a detective, the husband may surreptitiously glance at his wife as she answers the detective’s question. She, in turn may tug nervously at a button on her cardigan as she sits waiting for the next question. Make the reader feel part of what is happening.

Example 2

The next two examples are from; Demolition Angel by Robert Crais, Published by Orion, 2000.

Carol Starkey is on the defensive, she is being questioned about the way she is handling the search for a serial bomber.

In the first example I have omitted all the business and just left the dialogue.

"There's something different about the Silver Lake bomb. It's small but people like this are creatures of habit."

"Was that noted in the seven earlier bombs?"

"I called Rockville and asked about it. No one thought to check the direction of the wrapping before."

"But you did?"

"You have to check everything, Chief. That's the way it works. I'm not saying we have a copycat; the security around the Mr. Red investigation has been tight. All I’m saying is that I found this difference. That bears consideration."

"Carol, if this were the work of a copycat, how would that affect your investigation?"

"It expands. If you assume that this bomb wasn't built by Mr. Red, you have to ask who did build it? Who knows enough about Mr. Red to duplicate his bombs, and how would they get the components? Then you start to wonder, why? Why copycat Mr, Red? Why kill a bomb tech, or anyone else, especially if you're not taking credit for it?"

"This sounds like a homicide investigation. Barry I'm thinking we should let Robbery-Homicide take over. They have the experience."

"Well, I don't know, Chief."

Example 3

In the second example the business has been left in. This is how it appears in the book.

"There's something different about the Silver Lake bomb. It's small but people like this are creatures of habit."

Dick Leyton appeared thoughtful.

"Was that noted in the seven earlier bombs?"

"I called Rockville and asked about it. No one thought to check the direction of the wrapping before Morgan crossed his arms.

"But you did?"

Starkey met his eyes.

"You have to check everything, Chief. That's the way it works. I'm not saying we have a copycat; the security around Mr. Red investigation has been tight. All I'm saying is that I found this difference. That bears consideration."

Starkey wished that she'd never brought it up. Morgan was frowning, and Kelso looked irritated. She felt like she was digging a hole for herself. Dick Leyton was the only one in the room who seemed interested.

"Carol, if this were the work of a copycat, how would that affect your investigation?"

"It expands. If you assume this bomb wasn't built by Mr. Red, you have to ask who did build it? Who knows enough about Mr. Red to duplicate his bombs, and how would they get the components? Then you start to wonder, why? Why copycat Mr. Red? Why kill a bomb tech, or anyone else, especially if you're not taking credit for it?"

Morgan heard her out, his face an impenetrable mask. When she was done, he glanced at his watch, then at Kelso.

"This sounds like a homicide investigation. Barry, I'm thinking we should let Robbery-Homicide take over. They have the experience."

There it was. Even with Marzik's warning, Starkey's breath caught. They were going to lose the case to the Homicide Bureau.

Kelso wasn't happy with that.

"Well, I don't know, Chief."

The second example has the business left in, see how much more interesting it to read. It brings the scene to life and makes the reader feel more involved. The business, as with the words said, needs to be used sparingly, do not overuse it.

Dialogue has to achieve several functions. It discloses character, gives information, moves the story forward, reveals or hides thoughts, adds description, increases tension - it can also show relationships between characters.

Dialect

Be careful when writing dialect. Before World War 2, some stories had dialect spread thickly on every page, if you try reading one of those stories today most of us will find it tiresome and it makes for difficult reading.

Accents, of course, can be used but only in a very limited fashion. If, for instance, your story is set in a small Cornish village many of your characters are likely to have Cornish accents. Use sparingly, just a taste of dialect otherwise your reader will become swamped beneath a surfeit of dialect. If you wish to show a character from Cornwall, London, Birmingham etc, make the character’s dialogue different by varying speech patterns.

Most stories are a combination of description, dialogue and narration. It should be closely interwoven, with a careful balance between all three.

I heard one writer say; "The characters may make admirable speeches but they do not talk like human beings." Make your characters credible.

Next

6. Getting published

[Back to top]