“Christmas is such a magical time, especially for children. It’s exciting and pretty and for the most part people are very happy. It is a time to connect with friends and extended family, and for eating, drinking and having fun.
“However, domestic abuse doesn’t stop at Christmas. In fact, it increases the risk. Christmas brings pressure, financial strain and great expectations. Although the pressures of Christmas are not an excuse for abuse, it will be used as the excuse. Every six seconds in Britain, a woman is assaulted in her own home. Plymouth is one of the largest cities on the south coast and there’s a high prevalence of domestic violence. With a year-on-year increase of 21%; domestic violence accounts for 27% of all crime in Plymouth, compared to the national figure of 16%.
“As a survivor of domestic abuse, I have had a couple of wonderful Christmases since fleeing my abuser. Growing up in a household where domestic violence was always worse during the festive period, and then living with an abuser for 20+ years it took me to the age of 40 to realise that Christmas could be a lovely time of year.
“I never lost hope of a perfect Christmas for my children though. I used to pray that it would snow, that he would be so happy with the way I decorated the house, that he loved his gifts or that his friends were too busy to go out on a bender.
“I was always trying to achieve a perfect Christmas for my children. Making sure they were safe, happy, and satisfied while managing the ticking time bomb that was my abuser was really difficult. Unless you have lived it, it is hard to comprehend just how unachievable that is. Often the reach for perfection becomes a settlement for safety.
“I learned as a kid you cannot stop it, no matter how hard you try, other factors are too strong. Previous Christmases had been stressful. One year, I asked if I could leave his Christmas work party early, he was so angry I had embarrassed him, other partners stayed. When he came home, he completely trashed the house, the tree, ornaments that I had collected for each child since they were born.
“For 15 years, and despite my best efforts to control the situation, I ended up spending the night lying flat on the floor unable to move. My three children sat by as bodyguards awaiting his return, something they did often.
“As we move into the Christmas period and as we start to build expectation, know that there is support out there for those experiencing abuse.
“As a survivor, I know the fear that is felt and that the road to freedom is lonely and often dangerous, but abuse of any kind is not okay and it cannot be tolerated. Silence fuels abuse and now more than ever there are people ready to listen and act. You have a right to live free from fear and there are services that can help you do that.”
Plymouth City Council are sharing this real-life account of Christmas as a victim of domestic violence to help people understand that there is support available. Councillor Zoe Reilly, the Champion for Violence Against Women and Girls, alongside the Cabinet Member for Community Safety Cllr Sally Haydon, will continue to work on making this city safe for everyone. There is a huge amount of work being done to support victims and survivors of domestic abuse, with lots more activity to follow.
If you need help and support over Christmas:
Remember - always call 999 in an emergency and 101 in a non-emergency.
The national Domestic Abuse helpline is 0808 2000 247 (open 365 days/year, 24 hours a day).
To speak to a local service:
- Plymouth Domestic Abuse Service (PDAS) and Refuge: If you need support and protection from abuse call the Plymouth Domestic Abuse Service on 01752 252033 or the Plymouth refuge on 01752 562286. This is for anyone aged 16+ experiencing domestic abuse.
- Trevi -Sunflower Women’s Centre, Telephone: 01752 977614, email: office@trevi.org.uk
- Men's Advice Line: If you're a man experiencing domestic violence and abuse from a partner (or ex-partner) you can contact PDAS or call the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327.
- If you are concerned about your behaviour towards family members and/or your partner or ex-partner, you can contact Plymouth’s local service, Ahimsa, which offers support for those who are violent and/or abusive, on 01752 213535. The Respect phoneline is a confidential and anonymous helpline offering advice, information and support for anyone concerned about their violence and/or abuse towards a partner or ex-partner, you can call on 0808 8024040.
- For LGBT+ survivors, please contact Intercom Trust on 0800 612 3010 from 9am to 4pm (Mon to Fri)
- For survivors from black and minoritized communities, please contact The Olive Project on THE OLIVE PROJECT | Contact
Other general support is available from:
- NHS: 111
- Samaritans: 116 123
- Childline: 0800 1111
- NSPCC: 0808 800 5000
- Family lives: 0808 800 2222
- Shelter: 0808 800 4444
Further information is available on the Council website: Domestic abuse | PLYMOUTH.GOV.UK